A birthday, an anniversay and Valentines Day
Today is Valentines Day.
It is also my Mum's 81st birthday and my parents 60th wedding anniversary,
and dementia is a cruel, cruel disease.
Although it has been just over a year since my Mum was admitted to the dementia section of the local nursing home, this day will now always be bittersweet for me. Will Mum even realise what today is and even when I call her to sing Happy Birthday, even when she is reminded by the carers and upon my Dad's visit, will she get excited and beam happiness like she used to?
Valentines Day was always a memorable day in our household. An incredibly romantic gesture to be married on this day. Being her 21st birthday meant that my Dad ensured she would never forget how much he loved her and wanted her to be celebrated on this day.
For me now, today is also a day I think about the change in their lives, that nothing will ever be the same, the days that now are designed around my Dad's visits to the nursing home, the phone calls from me that are now based on caregiving and lending support when the 750km separates us. Life is hard and at times like this it can seem as if the sadness will overwhelm the happiness. This past year has been a constant struggle for me to climb out of the sadness, helplessness and the grief that threatens to overwhelm me.
These musings will hopefully be a way of healing and transitioning into a somewhat less anxiety-filled and stress-filled mind. After a year of numbness, it is time to put my past theories and present habits into place to help me come to terms with it all, to not waste a minute of this precious life we are given and to not give in to the fear of getting dementia myself. I hope it may also give comfort to others who are on this journey that only we can fully comprehend and empathise with, the moments in time that test us to the core and the moments that are nuggets of gold, the memories that haunt us and the memories that comfort us. My goal is not to share utterly sad and hopeless memories, my hope is to document this new phase of life while reminiscing, digging deeper for messages, celebrating present moments and honouring the past.
It is also my Mum's 81st birthday and my parents 60th wedding anniversary,
and dementia is a cruel, cruel disease.
Although it has been just over a year since my Mum was admitted to the dementia section of the local nursing home, this day will now always be bittersweet for me. Will Mum even realise what today is and even when I call her to sing Happy Birthday, even when she is reminded by the carers and upon my Dad's visit, will she get excited and beam happiness like she used to?
Valentines Day was always a memorable day in our household. An incredibly romantic gesture to be married on this day. Being her 21st birthday meant that my Dad ensured she would never forget how much he loved her and wanted her to be celebrated on this day.
For me now, today is also a day I think about the change in their lives, that nothing will ever be the same, the days that now are designed around my Dad's visits to the nursing home, the phone calls from me that are now based on caregiving and lending support when the 750km separates us. Life is hard and at times like this it can seem as if the sadness will overwhelm the happiness. This past year has been a constant struggle for me to climb out of the sadness, helplessness and the grief that threatens to overwhelm me.
These musings will hopefully be a way of healing and transitioning into a somewhat less anxiety-filled and stress-filled mind. After a year of numbness, it is time to put my past theories and present habits into place to help me come to terms with it all, to not waste a minute of this precious life we are given and to not give in to the fear of getting dementia myself. I hope it may also give comfort to others who are on this journey that only we can fully comprehend and empathise with, the moments in time that test us to the core and the moments that are nuggets of gold, the memories that haunt us and the memories that comfort us. My goal is not to share utterly sad and hopeless memories, my hope is to document this new phase of life while reminiscing, digging deeper for messages, celebrating present moments and honouring the past.
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